I wanted my New Year’s post to be special. As special as 2013 was. But unfortunately, the one that I am about throw out on here is not as I wanted it to be since it is a quick thirty minutes work. Meaningful nonetheless! I managed to sneak out of yet another
year, bidding adieu to 2013 forever. It's a
strange feeling, I am excited and dejected at the same time and it is very
difficult to understand how is that even possible.
I am not going to use clichés such as ‘eventful’ and ‘life changer’,
for they wouldn’t do justice to how my year really was. I got to witness and
experience the transition of life this year. Some days I thought my life has
reached the prime of monotony, but then there were days when I thought my life
couldn't be more happening. 2013 was the year full of surprises, with shocks
every now and then. I've had some cruel disappointments this year, but I've
received pleasant surprises too. I've been betrayed, but I’ve been trusted on
too. I've been unfriended for petty reasons, but then I've been loved for my
ordinary self too. I've feared away from challenges, but I’ve taken a risk too.
Different shades, ying yang. Many things happened, many could not. And many
didn’t happen the way I thought, but later I realized it was better that way.
2013 marked the completion of my twentieth year on the face of
this earth. I turned twenty. I wasn't yet over the shock of turning nineteen.
TWENTY? I always thought twenty was big. Like, BIG. A few months ago while
clearing my closet, I found a number of old journals that I used to keep, one
of which had a 'list' of stuff that I wanted to do before I cross my teenage.
Here’s a quick list of stuff that I remember as for now:
1. Get myself in a medical college
2. Walk miles in pouring rain
3. Go and walk along the seashore at night
4. Attend a concern
5. Visit and spend hours alone in a library
6. Travel alone in a public bus
7. Get my hair dyed
8. Sing; despite having a pathetic vocal cord
9. Write something meaningful
10. Learn baking
11. Move to live with my grandmother
12. Find out about who my real parents were (always thought I am
an adopted child)
13. Get rid of my brothers (they used to be the most painful
creatures back then. Still are)
14. Wear a Saari
^^^^^DON'T judge me.
When I was twelve, I thought I’d know everything when I’d turn
twenty. I'd be an efficient worker, pro at about everything and most probably
be married by then. Twenty was this big for me. But I feel no different. I
still feel like I’m twelve. As lazy, as senseless and as typical as I ever was.
I still find bliss in staying ignorant from things that I know are sure to
cause me pain. Nothing has changed much, but then again, quite a lot has
changed. I am not as expressive as I used to be. I’ve learnt to hold back how I
feel. I am very careful now about opening up to people. My whys have been
replaced now accompanied with a few what ifs this time. Many people I thought
would come along with me till here, drifted away; many others have come close.
People I thought would never let me down, eventually did. People I never
imagined would ever cross my way are now a major part of my life. Certain
things I was sure would never happen to me, actually really happened. Certain
things I intentionally avoided from knowing, in due course came into my
knowledge. And my reaction to each was surprising, even for myself. I am
essentially submissive by nature, everyone knows that. But I've been calm and
understanding about certain things that came my way this year to change the
course of my life. Somebody this year told me, "when life unfolds
something very good to us, almost as if it is too good to be true, we tend to
overlook it JUST because it came our way too easy. Let’s not be ungrateful to
life for sometimes being easy on us." Sometimes, a few words from someone can make you rethink
the entire course you had sketched for yourself which, initially, had no space
for chances. Valuing what you've been offered, perhaps this is what turning
twenty is about...
This year also brought an end to my 2nd year of honors in the University
of Karachi. Which leaves me with just one more year in hand and I’d be done
with my graduation. I don't even want to go there. Not yet. The thought of it
gives me a sinking feeling… Unbelievable how just a year ago I was ready to
give up and trade off everything just to get away from here. Now, it feels insane. Two years behind the line, the picture I
had in mind of today was not as such. I treated university very differently,
and so in return, I expected it to treat me differently too. When I joined in
here, I thought I’d have a group of super-girly friends, who would admire hot
pink and so I’d have to admire hot pink too. Who would share everything with me
and we would party all the time and other students would envy us. Well. Except
for the envy part, nothing really happened. Like I said, a lot of things didn't
happen the way I had thought. But I carry no bag of regret, just a few pebbles
of mistakes that somehow shaped me for good. Where a lot of things didn't
happen, nevertheless, a lot many things did. I managed to gather a bunch of
awesome people who're always there to pick me up when I fall, making my life so
much easier.
In other news, I started praying. Out of guilt of being the most
ungrateful of God’s creatures. But more importantly, out of love for Hussain (a.s).
I started praying regularly from the August of this year, because I needed
light which would guide me home, and that I was granted. I learnt this year how
greatly blessed I am. I learnt, that an earnest prayer never goes unanswered.
This year, I also dared to pluck out the unnecessary parasitic weeds out of my life and let the useful herbs flourish. 2013 strengthened my belief in destiny and fate. I most probably would’ve been in some random university majoring in something that barely interested me had I not accepted things as they were. It’s all clear now. There was a reason why I got late for applying in Iqra and Szabist. There was a reason why I suddenly thought of writing a letter. There was a reason why the signals all directed me here. Because this is where I was meant to be. Over the course, I jumbled up my pieces. It is all sorted now. Along with bad experiences, 2013 brought me good luck. Along with gloominess, it brought me motivation. Along with disappointments and rude revelations, this year brought me love and good friends. And above all, it brought me hope. As clichéd as this might sound, end of the year is always the most ideal time for reflection. I am still having difficulty figuring how is it that time slipped out of my hand and despite everything, I did absolutely nothing. I am not going to rant about that though. I’d rather stop now. This post is longggggg already. I like writing long posts. Just as I like typing (and reading) long texts. It makes me happy. I can see a reflection of myself in the face of those immortal words.
This year, I also dared to pluck out the unnecessary parasitic weeds out of my life and let the useful herbs flourish. 2013 strengthened my belief in destiny and fate. I most probably would’ve been in some random university majoring in something that barely interested me had I not accepted things as they were. It’s all clear now. There was a reason why I got late for applying in Iqra and Szabist. There was a reason why I suddenly thought of writing a letter. There was a reason why the signals all directed me here. Because this is where I was meant to be. Over the course, I jumbled up my pieces. It is all sorted now. Along with bad experiences, 2013 brought me good luck. Along with gloominess, it brought me motivation. Along with disappointments and rude revelations, this year brought me love and good friends. And above all, it brought me hope. As clichéd as this might sound, end of the year is always the most ideal time for reflection. I am still having difficulty figuring how is it that time slipped out of my hand and despite everything, I did absolutely nothing. I am not going to rant about that though. I’d rather stop now. This post is longggggg already. I like writing long posts. Just as I like typing (and reading) long texts. It makes me happy. I can see a reflection of myself in the face of those immortal words.
So. Tew Thouzaand Fortewn. Can’t even pronounce it
properly. Two Thousand Fourteen. Really? I never thought life after 2012 –not
because I believed in the Mayans –but because… I don’t know? Perhaps that was
why I couldn’t clearly register 2013 either. And just when I was beginning to,
it is gone. Too soon. 2013 brought me a bunch of valuable possessions,
few of which are absolutely irreplaceable. I managed to squeeze out a number of
pleasant memories and a handful of genuine people. I’d like to start my New
Year holding on to these two. :)
