Peace!

Exams are over, I survived the disastrous exams of four deathly courses, yeaay! This is just another I-am-so-comfortable-at-home type of post. The changed template design too is in accordance with how I feel. Fresh. It is amazing how dramatically your attitude changes toward things once your situation improves. Just a few days ago, I thought I wouldn't survive to see the end of December seeing how unprepared for exams and how seriously occupied by a situation I was. Now, I have a peaceful, happy feeling.

In fact, I have already planned what I need to do in this semester break. I am going to complete my unfinished novels that keep glaring at me from the shelf. The God of Small Things, Forty Rules of Love, Secrets, The Bride, Blowing It and The Maggot Pie. Quite a diverse collection, nay? I have got two religious books too, Shareekat-ul-Hussain and Chaudaah Sitaaray that I HAVE to read. Also, I had planned to search for different marsiyaah by Mir Babar Ali Anees and Mirza Salaamat Ali Dabeer. The two awesome-est marsiyah-nigaar. Marsiyah is a Persian word. It is basically an elegy composed especially to mourn the brutal massacre of Prophet's family in the burning desert of Karbala (Nineveh, Iraq). I had also planned to learn some of my Nani's special recipes from her during this semester break, but oh the sleep woes! By the time I wake up, she had already cooked her awesomelicious food. Next in line, I have got three incomplete drafts of some vague stories that happened to me; I created a rough sketch of them, and then they just... Vanished. Vanished as fast they came. You must complete them and post them --this is me telling myself.

During exams I get creative thoughts and feel an indescribable urge to write. But once they're over, my mind is as blank as a slate. And this always happens. This reminds me I as well have to complete my research of Bulleh Shah's Sufi poetry, fragments of which I managed to collect during exams. Ohmygawd? I have got so much to do! But I feel as lazy as a sloth ever since I'm done with my exams. I sleep all day long, waste time lying on the couch flipping through TV channels, mess around with my brothers, go over at Nani's to waste some more time, come back home, and eventually fall back to sleep. I am so busy wasting time that I don't even remember taking my meals. I am living on dry fruits and chocolates. But then again, I have a peaceful feeling staying home. Most of the nights I stay up late doing nothing and just letting my mind wander. Sometimes I go out in the open to witness the moonlight falling dramatically at the dewy leaves of slumbered plants in my balcony. Serene, tranquilizing moments. The wintry feeling is still in the air, but it doesn't really feel like it's the mid of December. Winter seems to have stopped paying attention to Karachi. Seriously.

I am trying to bring myself to terms with the fact that I have even less than fifteen days in hand before I tie a final knot to the twentieth chapter of my life. I have been avoiding this question from myself ever since December has begun; where did 2013 go? Where did all my time go?! I had only now started registering 2013, and the time to let it go has already come. The fact that time is whooshing past me sometimes scares me. It is a strange feeling. I am happy and sad at the same time, and I don't know how is this even possible. You know you have an easy cozy feeling, but deep down you're well aware that anxiety is building up about something you can't quite figure. I see this time as a foggy lane. The fog has a numbing affect, but I don't know what the fog has in store for me as I move further. The thicker the fog would get, the difficult it would become for me to see what's ahead, and the fact that I wouldn't be able to see, I am afraid I might randomly stumble over and lose something precious. But then I am also happy, because more than anything, I have a hand to hold which is assuring enough for my soul that I am not lost and I wouldn't be. The feeling is overwhelming. I would like to stay this way. The rest I have left on the Stars to take care of.

For now, my pineapple ice cream is melting and I have to make an immediate decision: whether to watch Friends or complete The Forty Rules of Love?

This. Is. Tough.

I Have A Wish. :)

"Because there's no wrong in wishing upon a star."

Fiction: I'd Like To See Her Again

On the far side of the park in the pouring rain, she sat at the vacant bench.

See her face, what do you see?

She fell in love; in the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong person.

But could she be blamed? Since love is inevitable. It just happens; in the oddest time, with an extremely wrong person. And fate is always there to make you realize that.

She wouldn’t wince, no matter how sharp is the blow of this heavy rain falling upon her. It was like, the sharper was the blow; the more unreal would she take the pain to be. The more drenched she’d be, the more real will she find her own existence. It was like, she’s trying to make sure if she is alive or not. She was trying to put the fallen things together; herself.

Even in this dim light, I managed to see those bruises of despair on her face being dissolved into smooth lines of resignation and acceptance.

That moment, she seemed totally drowned in desolation, absolutely lifeless and dejected; puzzled and lost. And this moment, her anguish was transformed into ease. It was obvious, that she has finally submitted to her ironical fate. She has successfully put the fallen together –herself; leave alone the uncertain duration; because sooner or later, she was going to fall apart, again.

Was she crying? Or were they sigh of submission? I know not. I wanted to go up and tell her how courageous she is, to sit by her side and tap her shoulder for her braveness and endurance. I wanted to tell her how proud I am of her; of course I didn’t know here, but I felt this unknown connection between her and myself. A very powerful connection for that profound instance; because her story, was pretty much my story.

I looked up, and she was gone. When did she go, I don’t know. Where did she go, this I don’t know either; but she wasn’t there anymore.

I was left alone, with a feeling of regret to have missed a chance of talking with somebody whose story was in union with mine.

Her face revealed a story, a heart wrenching story; story of love, story of pain, story of despair, story of loss, story of separation, story of dejection –story of contentment.

I wish to God, to see her again. Yes, I’d like to see her again.

 

You know, fate could be really brutal at times. For some, it begins with misery and ends in happiness; but for some, the misery gets worst towards the end.