Fiction. Journal Entry; She.

Page 1.

-Anonymous

 

Here I was, Sitting idle in the hall full of guests.

and there my husband was, with another woman.

a very silly part of me wanted to feel proud for what he was doing. He was pretending to save the life of a woman who belonged with his past; who intended to kill herself, If he came closer to any other woman.

Sure, she knew I'm His wife, but she was told that I and He have differences so vast; that I and He are living a life of compromise; that He loves her only.

This wasn't true though. He loved Me. He assured me that She was his past. And I am his present and future. He assured me that I'm his everything now!

The thought of doubting him made me feel guilty! I trusted him. I still trust him.

But even then, watching someone else holding his hand, made me feel insecure; watching his hand around someone Else's waist, made me feel lonely.

No, I wasn't doubting HIM, I was doubting my fate.

I was experiencing the feelings of a woman.

In that entire room however, no matter where He was, he had his eyes fixed on me.

He was trying to read my expressions, he was trying to predict my thoughts; But I was blank! Completely blank.

I was feeling no sensation at all. Just numbness, and a hint of an unidentified pain somewhere in my chest.

All this time, I was avoiding his gaze, avoiding eye contact with him. Because I knew, the moment his piercing gaze would touch my eyes, I would break! I would fail to hold back the boiling tears any longer.

And I was not in a state to afford it.

So there I was, alone. Inspite of his following eyes, I was ALL alone.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Page.2

The reception was over soon..

It was time to have him next to me after so long tonight; It was time to walk home.

It was Time, to walk with him......

He looked at Me after so long tonight -Like looked at Me, not Studied Me; Which He was doing all this time tonight. And his expression ........ I don't know what it said. His big brown eyes had so much in them!

We started to walk.

And for the first time Tonight; When I was walking right next with him at last --I felt lonely. Miserably lonely....

Un-Special. Un-Normal

Seems so long to me since I last blogged. Have been pretty busy.

Had this feeling.. No, actually Yeah -duh!- Yeah I'm pretty messed up!

Yes, I've been having this feeling since a while. I just realized how un-normal I am- No I'm not talking about ab-normal. The tag line to 'story of my life'  is Un-normal.

Humans, come up with different ways in order to fit in this society. In this World.

Change their habits, replace their preferences, develop qualities in order to be special. Well yeah, every one here does have at least something special about them.

And being special is the sign of being normal -Here at least.

From the very beginning, I did have this I-deee-aa, that I'm not special.
Special people love to be under the spot light, they love to be the centre of attention. And in my case, to have everyone's attention on me is the worst thing I could imagine;
To be under the lights, to have eyes on me is the thing I've hated the most since forever. Because basically for that, You need to be amazing, and I knew (I know still) that there is nothing absolutely amazing about me, That there is something absolutely wrong with me.
* * * *

Yeahh, No super power like Matilda.

No Boy like Edward.

No Companion like Jacob either.

No God Father like Sirius.
*snifff*

Oh-kay. Now on a little practical note.

Yes, I'm not a fragile delicate girl.

Yes, I don't have issues with taking medicines.

Yes, I can tolerate the sight of blood.

Yes, I don't get sick frequently - actually, don't get sick at all!

Yes, I love to gossip.

Yes, I'm an absolutely lazy person.

No, I don't have an extra caring elder sibling.

No, I don't have that lovey-dovey relation with my younger siblings.

Nop, No richie-rich type family.

No super cool gangly friends.

No, I'm not an extra ordinary student.
No, I'm not a bold outgoing girl.

Its a list with the most common qualities. No "Oh-my-Gaaaad" type thingie.

Yup, that's all typical.

But now on a more serious note, The Un-normal element comes here, In my head. My thought processes.

My mental frequency runs parallel with everybody Else's. Rather than running together. 

Never on the same track. Always having an entirely different angle.

Always thinking about things and people who existed either in past or didn't exist at all. Always thinking about impossibilities. Always thinking about the least anticipated thing.

Having sympathy with Villains. Having that curious feeling to explore the sentiments of cold people. Missing people I never met. Crying for people I don't know. Having those deep thoughts about the wheel of time. Imagining things that could have happened. Having that strong believe in happenings of fate. Loving the most odd things. Having fascination for darkness.

Detecting magic in every-single-bit.

The Un-normal factor is this. Having that third opinion, which deviates from real and falls into surreal.
-Ohkay now, if this you think makes me special, it does not. Well even if does, it is in an un-normal way.
So what is it? 
A Messy head?

Mental Disorder?

Fault in Brain Wiring?

Must be. *Sigh*

A letter to God

"Hey God! I was thinking of you lately. Its been ages since I've talked to you. So here I go, asking you to spare a minute for me.

Nay- This time I don't want to ask anything for myself. I want this minute because..

Well, because .. Err ohkay I'm blushing. It'll take some time.

Hmm.. So ohkay. I want you to spare a minute so that ..

So that I could Thank You for being so kind to me. For making me happy when I least expect it. For granting my wish before I utter it. For every breath I take. For this life. For everything. Though I know I don't deserve a bit of your kindness and You know it too that I am a sinner; Yet You continue showering Your blessings upon me! How shall I thank you?
I can not.

I am amazed at your greatness. And here I stand, bowing before You.

God, I love You.*"

My Love for Heathcliff and Catherine Revived

How I came across 1992 movie Adaptation of Wuthering Heights.

 

Two days ago, I was looking on you tube for the movie adaptation of Far from the Madding crowd written by Thomas Hardy. Its a good novel, and that is why I desired to watch its movie adaptation.
I came across four-five movie versions. To be very honest, i didn't really like any of it -1967 version was better regardless of various flaws.

I lost interest.

Just as I was about to leave, I saw a link on the right side of screen, Wuthering Heights. And instantly i was drawn to view it! -I've been in love with Wuthering heights since the first day i read it, though I was in sixth grade then, but I remember how grieved I was. And it is to this novel that I started loving and reading classic literature novels-

It was the 1992 version. Ralph Fiennes as Heathcliff and Juliette Binoche as Catherine Earnshaw.
 
Saying that I was carried away wouldn't do justice to what my condition really was.
I was laughing along with their mischievous giggles, I was feeling the delight. I thought I was there myself, wandering at the moors; watching Heathcliff and Catherine and their pleasure of togetherness..

 








Saying that I cried hard at the death of Catherine, at the misery of Heathcliff, would be a straight understatement. No I didn't cry hard, I cried bitterly. 

I read almost all the comments, by critics criticizing this 1992 version. Though I was pleased that no one dared to point Ralph as unsuitable to be Heathcliff - I was glad. But disappointed to see Juliette remarked as unfit to be Catherine. I think She has done justice to the role of Catherin Earnshaw just like Ralph as Heathcliff.

The director, Peter Kosminsky has so beautifully - I don't have words to praise his talent and perfection - directed the movie, exactly like I imagined when I first read Wuthering Heights. The setting, location, atmosphere; every single thing was taken in notice; evidently studied thoroughly.

The death scene of Catherine and Heathcliff's last meeting with her. At first, Oh yes I was sobbing like anything- But the next time, keeping my emotions in control, I concentrated; concentrated hard to catch at-least a single error. but no, I failed. The scene is perfect. The dialogue delivery, the expressions - more credit to Ralph - The essence of novel is remarkably maintained.

 
Then approached another piercingly sad scene; Heathcliff's absolutely wild act of emotionality with Catherine's corpse. The difference was evident. Edgar's gentle and calm act of touching his wife's hand and leaving without really weeping loud; and Heathcliff's passionate act of agony by taking Catherine's corpse in his arms and crying like a weary man who has lost the purpose of living ..

Catherine completed him. He was human with Catherine, only.

A person like me who have intense emotions and strong imagination CANNOT watch these scenes without crying loud, as it were Me myself crying and going through the pain of loosing the other half of My soul!

The other melancholic scene where Heathcliff is standing alone with the most agonized expression at the same moors where once He along with his other part Cathy used to wander in joy-   For that one second, I thought it was I experiencing the pain.  It was like hot despair being poured in my heart, piercing and incurable. Excellent shooting. Excellent acting.

One thing which added intensity to all these scenes was the music.

The music in this movie, is the soul of every single scene. The main theme of Wutherin Heights is given by Ryuichi Sakamoto.
I have never heard any symphony this melancholic- 

Link to the Theme Music of Wuthering Heights

Listen to this and with no difficulty you could imagine the loneliness of Heathcliff, feel the pain of their separation. You could picture the moors where young Heathcliff and Catherine used to wander, wild and glad. Fearless.

The final moments, that is the reunion of Heathcliff's soul with Catherine's is an epic scene.

My heavy heart which was filled with grief and sympathy for Heathcliff was satisfied when i saw them reuniting, at last. Heathcliff's misery was over. He was finally back again with his other half. Catherine.

This movie, 1992 version is the original Wuthering Heights. Ralph is the real Heathcliff, Juliette is the real Catherine and Janet McTeer is the real Nelly Dean.

This movie made me read Wuthering Heights again, all over. This time, my imagination was even rich.

Wuthering Heights is a black romantic tragedy. Portray of true passionate love. Portray of wildness and madness. Portray of intense tragedy and melancholy. Portray of eternal reunion and completeness.

To all those critics who criticize this version, are probably less imaginative and insensitive to the glowing, radiating emotions that are clearly to be seen, to be felt in every single part of this movie.

I rate it 10/10.

Also; Hats off to the writer of this devastatingly amazing novel. Emily Bronte. Who has so smoothly woven the human emotions. Described them so naturally.

Such type of a master piece could be produced even today -
No. No writer could touch the perfection of Emily Bronte. She is above the extreme limits of extra ordinary.