Circle

Don't hate this five minutes work. Please.

I've been struggling so hard to not let go of my sanity and prevent my mind from wandering off, but in vain do I try for this is the time when all the hurdles disappear and my psyche goes on roaming in the planes of impossibilities and pure fantasies. This is the time when all the shackles loosen, all the burdens take a break; when there’s no jury of critics to force condemnation at me for thinking out of the box, or denounce my preferences. It’s finally night time --and this explains the energy that has forced me out of the bed and compelled me to write.

Every now and then, I receive a sharp pang of certain realizations, of certain bitter facts rather, which leaves me feeling helpless and powerless against the hoop of time and space that I’m bound in. –That we all are bound in.

With every step that I cover, there’s a detail being missed, and a detail being noticed at the same time. With every moment that I cross, there’s a memory from the past getting blur. Blurrier. Just now, while going through the stack of memories that I’ve collected in the journey of the previous 18 years and this distinct 1 year, a realization that a change has approached and a memory is being erased has filled me in.

Had I known any possible way of holding on to the memoirs that I've gathered all this way, I’d have done it straight away, preventing them from slipping off; but they are. They are slipping off… Like sand from my hand; slowly, gradually.

And as I dwell upon the disappearing remains of my past, I naturally start thinking about how I was or how will I be after a few years from now? About how I've become, or if I've become anything so far? I wonder if there's something that I've earned all this way? Or found somebody for life? If I could really take a refuge from here, onto the planet of caprice? If I could really un-know certain things and live back in oblivion, happy again? All those fantasies and yearnings that have occupied me since quite a while now come before me and I notice, how every wish is connected with another; compelling me to move in a circle, in an ellipse. I feel being driven by a one-way wheel, that prohibits me from going back.